Ive always known I wanted to be a mum and when I was younger it was something I wanted to do in my early 20s.
My mum was 29 when she had me (the youngest of 3) and she was ancient (or so my young brain thought). I met MM when we were 19 and although we’d discussed wanting children I was just too scared at the idea of becoming a mum.
Something clicked and we decided to go for it. I was about to start a new job and we were going to start trying once I was settled in but that all fell through so we just thought we’d go for it then.
I always worried it would take a long time to fall pregnant because I’m over weight but it happened quicker than we expected.
Fast forward 8 and a bit months of planning, moving house, reading books and watching one born every minute the day came (10 days early).
I had got my hair cut that day and felt great.
I was watching Hollyoaks (the next days one) and felt something weird.
My waters had broke.
After what felt like forever trying to get hold of MM he finally arrived home.
I wasn’t having any pains (other than period style ones) but headed to the hospital. Lots of waiting and tests later I was told to go home and come back if the pain got bad (or by a certain time tomorrow to be induced).
No more pain came.
Off to the hospital we went for the induction.
After more tests and waiting I was induced. More waiting. Then I was put on the drip.
Long story short after HOURS of induced contractions none of which were actually my own came the decision. Start the process over again or have an emergency c section.
I decided that before things got life or death I would have the c section. Firstly it was supposed to be with a spinal but that didn’t work so I was put under.
Before I went in I was told the worst case. That must have been what played though my mind the whole time. Lots of hours later and lots of lost blood I was woken up and the first thing I remember was asking if they had to take my womb. Nothing about a baby. Something clicked and I remember why I went in and asked about her.
It will forever break my heart I don’t remember the first time I saw her and I wasn’t awake to see her born. I’ll spend my life being proud of the little girl she’s turning into. The beautiful kind and loving human that I grew in my belly.
The day I had pops wasn’t the day I become a mum, the days since are. Every little thing we get through and all the moments we share. That’s what makes me a mum and those are the times I cherish most.
Until the next post,
Are and Pops.